Fear of Being Paid

Have you ever worked with someone who did too much?  Someone who went way beyond the call of the job, but so much so it was to the detriment of the work.  One of these completely inefficient happy asses who takes three hours to forward you a spreadsheet because they are color coding each cell and developing a color reference guide for you.

Delegation becomes impossible with these people.  If you split up a task, i.e., you do A and I’ll do B, they end up doing both and tossing in C for good measure.  Meanwhile you’re standing there holding your own version of B with the added choice of deciding which B to use.

My mother, God love her, is one of these people.  One time I called her and told her I was coming over in an hour to cut her grass.  When I got there, she was just finishing cutting her grass.  “I just thought I’d do it so you wouldn’t have to,” she said.  Thanks a shitload Ma.  I guess I’ll drive home now.

The following is pretty much verbatim from an actual conversation I had with my mother last fall:

“Hello.”

“Hey Mom it’s Tire Shop.”

“Oh, hi honey, how are you doing?”

“Good.  Look, we’d like to invite you over for Thanksgiving dinner next week.  Just a few people.  Nothing extravagant.”

“Oh great.  Why don’t you let me bring something?  I can make the turkey, dressing, and stuffing, and mashed potatoes.”

“Uh, that seems like quite a bit.”

“Well you guys will have so much to do otherwise, I thought I could just bring those few things.”

“Few things?  Ma that’s the whole damn dinner.”

“Well you guys can make a desert and buy the napkins.”

“I don’t think so Ma.  Just show up.  We’ll do the rest.”

“Well I think you should at least let me buy the turkey.”

“Why would we let you buy the turkey?  We’re inviting you to OUR house for Thanksgiving.”

“Okay, you buy the turkey and I’ll clean it and cook it.”

“Jesus Ma.”

“Well, if you guys are making all the food I’m going to pay you for it.”

“Pay us.  What are we a restaurant?  Can’t you just bring a desert or something?”

“Oh, well yes I suppose I could make a desert.”

“That would really be great Ma.”

“Okay.  You want me to bring some plates and silverware?”

“Oof.”

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Yes.  This is my life.